A Gay Guy's Diary

I have not written the letter I want to write for the PE teacher yet, complaining for what he said last Wed during the teacher's meeting. But I'm really angry, and with a good reason. I could also complain that he keeps wearing those minute shorts. He likes to show off his massive, muscular, tanned, hairy legs. Not that I have paid much attention to them, but I can't avoid an erection every time he gets close.

What would he say of fucking a chubby guy? I mean, I have seen whole sections on porn sites dedicated to men fucking chubby guys. Isn't that what gets straight men horny, the contrast of a soft body against their rock hard muscles? But I could never make any kind of advance with anyone at school. Actually, I have never dared to do it with any man at all. :(   >sigh<

The topic at the table at dinenr today was the need of my mother and mine to visit a psychiatrist. All because I said that I was unable to keep a healthy lifestyle, that I'm not constant. So I might be bipolar. But I KNOW that this is not the problem! The last two times I tried to lose weight I quit simply because I'm too lazy to exercise and because I was not happy with the results. I mean, I was losing weight, but this doesn't seem to have an impact on my relationship with men. Well, I do receive some compliments when I look thinner. Edgard, for example. He used to harass me. And I loved that. The problem was that he did it in front of other students and I had to reject him. Had he done it privately, things would have been different.

And Felipe, when I was writing somethin on the board and he told me that I looked fine. Yeeep! That was hot! HE was hot. A pest, but hot. :)

And then come those moments when I get convinced that it's not worth the effort. That I'm too old. That I only have some 9 years left before I kill myself.

Who knows. One of these days I might decide to make a change for my last decade. I don't want to die without being fucked by one of those georgeous men I see every day at school. And I don't have energy to work anymore. I'm exhausted at noon!!

Yeah, I recognize I need to lose weight, badly. But I'm too lazy. Perhaps paying an annual fee at the gym, as my sister suggests, would be a good idea. If I buy an exercise machine to have it at home, I would probably be too lazy to use it.

Who knows. Maybe when my mother asks for the loan in January or February.