A Gay Guy's Diary

We're having a long weekend in Chile. Lots of free time to search the Internet for some of my favorite topics, such as romantic gay flicks. :)

My favorite one, ever, is Beautiful Thing. There are other good gay movies, of course, but this one was especially heartwarming to me.

You can get it from http://aaasi-somos.blogspot.com/2008/12/beautiful-thing.html

I wish I had been man enough to confront my family the way Jamie does in the movie. But again, how many of us have been able to do it? When I realized my mother had discovered I was gay when she read my diary, I felt very distressed. But now that I see it from a distance, if I had remained calm and cold-headed, things would have been very different from then on. I should have confronted her because she was being nosy. But she made a scene and I followed her. Now I realize how silly I was. Everything was cool. The world kept revolving and nobody was about to die, but I let her make me feel like I was destroying our family or our lives.

Well, in the movie, Jamie and Ste also have a hard time when they realize that Sandra knows about their homosexuality, but in the end she is quite supportive of them. I guess this would have been impossible to expect from my mother. We are in a different country, in a different culture. And then came religion. She got actively involved in a religious group that considers homosexuality as Satan's influence. And I, stupid as I am, followed her. Was I being compassionate with her? Probably. I felt so miserable for making her suffer, that in the end I decided to please her and try to follw a "pious" life. Well, I eventually became convinced that the beliefs of this religious group are correct, and I still think so. Who knows. I recognize that some men are devilish hot!! :) In any case, I should have never chosen to get involved with this religious group because I knew their standpoint about gay people from the beginning. But again, I was too young and stupid to think of the consequences of my decisions. I was really immature. But now I have forgiven myself for being so stupid. When I was a teenager I didn't realize how important my personal life was. I just wanted to please others, especially mommy.