A Gay Guy's Diary

I saw the most rewarding thing on Facebook today. I was sitting on my bed, just looking around some beautiful men on the internet, when I entered FB and came across this post by our school cousellor (Francisca) about a government-sponsored competition intended to choose a "profesor estrella" (star teacher), a techer who cares about his students, is innovative, creative, etc, and on the first (and only) comment, one of our 12 grade students was proposing me!! :)

This is very encouraging. really. I feel so happy for reaching so many goals in life, against all odds, in spite of all the shit I was forced to believe about myself. Than I was sub-human, that I was abnormal, and all that crap they say about gays.

I still have the problem of sadness, though. Can it be a slight depression? Might be, after all these years of psychological mistreatment. But I have learned to make myself responsible for my own mood. It's not easy when you live with my mother, though. She is always sad and playing the victim. Yes, she has had her lot of suffering in life, of course, but who doesn't? She's not the only divorced woman in the world, she's not the only person who lost her mother when she was a teenager. And if she really believes what her religion teaches, she should be happy to know that she will see her mother again! I asked the school counseloor one day about my sadness, and she told me that only children (I was an only child for 13 years and still very close to mum) tend to sympathize with their mothers. That's why I also tend to be sad. So I have to force me to concentrate in good things in order to keep a good mood.

I have spent a lot of time doing handicraft to avoid concentrating in negative feelings when I have much free time. Writing this diary has also helped me a lot! I would like to write something else, though. Maybe in summer, when I'll have plenty of free time.

I'd like to write a novel, or maybe only a short tale, with an erotic topic. If you want to write about a big, muscular man who ends up having sex with his own mother, does it mean you are a freak? I have examined my feelings, and I don't think I have ever wanted to take my mother to bed. Not at all. When I think about this kind of sex, a son and his mother, I get excited at the idea of being the mother. I get excited at the idea of a huge, beautiful man ficking an older, uglier woman because I think I am ugly and would like to be a woman. And I would also like to be loved, not just fucked. Yes, I don't think much of myself, but I still have a long road to go before I overcome the handicaps caused by my family and society.

But, would such a story sell? Would it be considered a "serious" novel if I deal with the innermost feelings of the characters? Well, Sophocles wrote something like this (Oedypus) and he is not considered to have been a perv. Not officially, at least! I wouldn't give the story a tragic ending, though. If life gives you lemons, you can cry or make some nice lemonade. If life puts you and your mum in the same bed, you can shoot yourself or enjoy a good fuck. In the times of Oedypus, the first option was the one and only. Not now.

But the novel would be written in Spanish, though. Spanish is my mother tongue and I need a good command of the language to deal with all the complexities of a well made story.

I have searched the Internet for stories of this kind, but I only find sheer porn. I want to make it erotic, even steamy, but not porn.

This is what I have found so far, but it doesn't come even close to my idea for my novel:
http://54africanvoices.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/mother-and-son-to-marry-zimbabwe/
http://www.thenewage.co.za/45516-1014-53-Ancestors_told_him_to_marry_his_mother